A Heart That's Not Walking Away
by shadybitch
Summary: After an afternoon of magic lessons, Regina and Emma sit down for a cup of coffee and talks about love and grief. What will they realize with that? one-shot, Swan Queen, set in the episode The Jolly Roger (3x17) with references to my other SQ fic, though you don't have to read it to understand this


**A/N** - I'm back! I know it's been too long without fics, especially for my swen, but I'm going through a serious writer's block. I've been trying to get this done for the past month, along with another story, but the words simply wouldn't help me. I forced myself to at least finish this because lately there's been a lot of drama within the SQ fandom and I think we need a break (and that's why I ended up expressing some of my frustrations with CS and Hook in this story, sorrynotsorry). I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes and for the shitty quality of the writing (seriously, I'm ashamed of this, it really sucks) my muse is gone and that's the best I could do on my own. Regarding the title, as always it's a song reference, this time from Ships in the Night by Mat Kearney, I'm sure you all know it. I do hope my muse comes back so I can write more stuff to my swen, 'cause I love you all. Without any further, I hope you guys read it and like it! xoxo

**A/N²** - just some clarification about the timeline of this story: it's set right in the middle of the episode The Jolly Roger (3x17) but it has my own spin, especially since I use references to my other SQ fic (you guys should read that first, just saying). You know that scene when Hook's knocking at Snow's door and when Emma answers we discover that she and Regina were alone in there? Well, this is my headcanon for the conversation they were having before the pirate showed up. So, yeah.

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**A HEART THAT'S NOT WALKING AWAY**

"I'm sorry about Neal"

Regina's tentative voice catches Emma's attention.

They were sitting at Mary Margaret's dining table after an exhausting day of magic lessons. Emma had awakened her power with the bridge lesson, so they kept practicing and developing other uses of magic, such as moving things around a limited space, poofing and Emma's personal favorite, setting things on fire. It was all very basic since Emma was still a novice, but it drained them nonetheless. When sunset came, they decided to call it a day.

But, for the second time this week, they were not ready to part ways after spending a day together. So Emma invited her former enemy for a cup of coffee.

They made small talk, mostly about many different aspects of magic, while sipping at their coffee. Now, with the mugs empty and no other excuse to spend any more time together, Regina decides that there's no moment like the present to say things she wants to say. And she did want to say this, she meant it. She knows what's like to lose a person you care about, even if that person hurt you deeply, and she knew Emma was swallowing her grief (also something Regina knew all too well), which is not healthy at all if judging by former queen's personal experience. So she offered her support. It felt odd, but it was the right thing to do.

"I didn't have the opportunity to tell you that yesterday because of this whole ordeal with my sister, but I am really sorry about what happened to Neal"

Emma is a little taken aback by that, and she's not sure if she wants to talk about this, especially with Regina. So she plays safe. "What? No you're not, you hated the guy"

"Well that's presumptive. And rude" the Mayor says back with an annoyed huff. "I hated the fact that he was around, that doesn't mean I hated _him…_"

"But you totally hated him"

"Wasn't my favorite person, no" Regina conceded with a sigh, to what Emma smiled. "Regardless, it's a shame what happened. I was rooting for him"

That earns a confused frown from Emma.

Regina waves her hand dismissively. "This Bachelorette thing you had going on with him and Hook…"

"Oh my god"

"I was Team Neal", the former queen states, lifting a shoulder (ladies don't shrug).

"First of all, Bachelorette thing? Really? Give me some credit", Emma retorts, feigning offense. "Second of all, wait, Team Neal?"

"Well, he was Henry's father", Regina says simply.

"And I had Henry in jail because of him"

"Oh, and Hook's the greatest man on earth! He never tried to kill us all, always so trustworthy!" Regina snaps.

Emma narrows her eyes at the other woman. "You were Team Neal because you wanted Neal to win or just because you don't like Hook?"

"Correction, Hook is one son of a bitch I really hate", Emma's eyebrows shot up at the cursing. "And yes, I just wanted to see the pirate lose", the brunette admits not regretting anything, and Emma chuckles. "Honestly you could do way better than both of them"

Emma pierces Regina with a curious look. _Did she just indirectly pay me a compliment?_

Realizing how her comment could be interpreted, Regina says "Like a flying monkey", using their constant teasing to take the pressure off her statement.

Emma glares at her but is distracted by the sound of the former queen's laugh. Such beautiful sound should be heard more often.

It's strange. They had never spent so much time just the two of them. Well, they used to back in that first year before the curse broke, but it's different now. The context is different and their relationship is different. God, their relationship is so different that they might have been replaced with doppelgangers. Before, they politely wanted to murder each other, and now they are… well, they don't exactly know what they are but they obviously don't hate each other anymore. They actually care for one another. And not just because they mothered the same son and ended up being a family along with other fairytale characters. They developed a connection that was just theirs, and neither of them knows how to explain this.

They actually ignored that for a while, pretended it wasn't there. But after what happened at the mines with the trigger, and especially after Neverland, they couldn't deny it anymore. Regina had even voiced the feeling to Emma over a drink a couple of days ago. "Something changed in Neverland" she had said. And that connection is even more present when they make magic together, so needless to say that after their magic lessons today the last thing they wanted was to part ways.

And this leaded them to Mary Margaret's dining room and two cups of coffee.

"But honestly", Regina continues, "between a flying monkey, the spawn of the Dark One and an one-handed pirate with a drinking problem who probably doesn't shower in over 300 years, I think you're aiming too low Miss Swan". The she adds in a low teasing tone, "I mean, you are a Princess, you should be looking for someone with royal blood like yours".

Emma looks intrigued. "And who would that might be?"

There were two ways to play this. She could continue with the teasing, even crossing to the realm of flirting, just for the sake of playfulness; or she could dismiss the entire thing. Afraid of being too soon to do the former and being misinterpreted, she opted for the latter. "Do I look like a matchmaker?" she snorts, "Go find your Prince on your own".

Emma smiles at her bite, but there's something that resembles disappointment in green eyes. The blonde sighs. "I don't think in this town there's a prince who's still single though", she frowns looking concerned, "I think my only options are Archie and the dwarves".

"Still better choices than Hook"

Emma glares at her, but can't hide her amusement. Then she remembers something. "Oh, Robin Hood is in town"

"The thief? That's not much of an upgrade, Miss Swan", the brunette scoffs.

Emma chuckles and adds "Yeah, he's not really my type anyways. You can go for it".

Regina chokes with her own saliva at this. She knew Emma wasn't referencing the lion tattoo and soulmante thing, she didn't know about it, Regina didn't tell anyone. But the idea of the blonde pushing her towards the man was unsettling, and she didn't know why. Probably because though she and Robin shared some moments, she wasn't ready to dive in this yet.

"Wow, you okay there?" Emma asks confused while Regina coughs.

The Mayor tries to cover her tracks. "I'm sorry, I was just caught by surprise at your insinuation that you're in a position to forgo a man for my sake", she explains sarcastically. "But surely I've misunderstood what you said because that's just preposterous"

Emma chuckles at her outrage, but she's not convinced that this was the true reason behind the woman's fluster. "Whatever, Madam Mayor"

They stay silent for a very long time, replaying their conversation so far, both women contemplating the idea of confiding things to the one other.

Emma makes the decision first. "You know the last thing Neal said to me?"

Regina raises her eyebrows to encourage the woman to go on.

"Go find Tallahassee" Emma states, to what Regina frowns, not understanding. "It's like a pact we made when we were together", the blonde explains, "that we would go to Tallahassee and be happy there just the two of us". The brunette just nods. "Then he was dying in my arms and telling me to go find Tallahassee", Emma finishes expressionless.

"He was letting you go, so you could let him go too", Regina declares, all too familiar with that particular situation.

The other woman huff. "Well, isn't that a little hypocrite? He let me go the moment he threw my ass in jail, what made he think that I had not let him go yet?"

"I see you still are in the anger stage" Regina points out; Emma is about to make a comeback but Regina dismisses with a wave of her hand. "It doesn't matter now what made he think that, wouldn't you agree? Besides, he was right. You haven't let him go yet"

"Why are you defending him?" Emma asks half shocked, half annoyed.

Regina scoffs. "I'm not. I just understand the situation, I know what he was trying to do and I understand how you feel about it"

"Oh, by all means Your Majesty, enlighten me", the blonde snorts, the bite in her tone not enough to distract from desperate emerald eyes.

Regina sighs. Well, she started this conversation, might as well finish it. "He loved you, Emma. In all the wrong ways, and he most definitely didn't deserve you, but he did care about you. And he knew that deep down, under all these layers of 'I don't care' attitude you put on and despite of all the hurt and resentment you feel, he knew you still cling to the idea of what could have been you two together, the idea of Tallahassee", she says with a sweet smile.

"So he did the right thing for you, knowing that he could never give you that happy ending, he freed you to go find it with someone else", Regina continues her assessment. "And you know you needed that but you aren't ready to accept it just yet, so you mask your feelings with anger and sadness"

Emma purses her lips, and Regina knows she nailed it. "You talk like an expert", the blonde deflects.

"I had a lot of time to mull over this scenario", the Mayor admits.

Emma frowns. "It's been less than two days"

Regina rolls her eyes. "Not your situation with the moron", she knew she shouldn't talk poorly about the dead but she couldn't help it. "I meant my own case, with Daniel", she says in a lower tone, averting her eyes.

Then it downs on Emma. The incident at the stables, back when the first curse broke and she was in the Enchanted Forest with Mary Margaret. Emma knew Daniel had died in Regina's arms, or more precisely, Regina had killed Daniel because he had asked her to. Archie had told Emma this back then, but he didn't share the details; he didn't want to betray Regina's trust (which is ironic given what happened later that same week). The blonde never had the time to dwell on it though, and frankly with all that happened to them after that incident Emma didn't even remembered it anymore. But now she had a chance, and she sure as hell was going to take it.

"What happened that day at the stables?"

Regina thought about dismissing the blonde with a glorious "_it's none of your business"_ but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't want to cut Emma off, they were bonding very nicely and god knows she needs a friend right now; besides, Emma had just opened her heart about something Regina knew fairly well that it was a sensitive subject, the least she could do it's be honest too, especially since she's been through a very similar situation. And well, Emma's big green eyes are watching her with that hopeful and vulnerable gleam and fuck it.

"I'm sure you father told you everything that happened when he was at the stables with us", Regina starts and Emma nodded. "Well, after David left I managed to bring Daniel back to reality, made him recognize me. I couldn't even believe he was there with me again", a shaky laugh escapes red full lips and brown eyes are glistening with unshed tears. "He told me he was in pain. I asked him what I could do, and he said I had to let him go", she takes a deep breath to steady herself and keep the tears at bay. "I told him I couldn't do that because I loved him, and he just said 'then love again' before he went back to monster mode. So I did what he asked me, what I had to do"

"You let him go" Emma says, and that statement is so full of emotion that Regina can't hold her gaze.

"I killed him, yes", the brunette merely says, "It took me a little longer to let him go". She sighs and shakes her head. "Though there's something about watching a person you love dying for the second time in front of you that speeds the process"

"Tell me about it", Emma chuckles, trying to lighten the mood through this heavy confessions.

There's a moment of comfortable silence.

"I'm sorry about Daniel", Emma breaks it, looking back to the other woman. "I think I never had the chance to tell you that because of how crazy our lives get every day, but I am sorry about what happened to Daniel. Both times", she offers a genuine and soft smile.

"Thank you", Regina says, her insides warming though she didn't know why.

There's another moment of silence before Emma sighs. "So, what's next?"

"What do you mean?"

"The moving on process", she explains waving her hand. "After accepting and letting go, what's next?"

"Are you using _me_ as you grief counselor?" Regina asks with a teasing smile. "The Evil Queen, seriously? And here I thought the Charming stupidity in you had a limit"

That earns and eye-roll from the blonde. "You said yourself, you've been there. I just want an insight on what to do next"

The brunette sighs. "I don't know, I haven't finished the process yet", she says dryly, but adds with an unsure tone "I assume it's finding a new love".

"Easy enough", Emma retorts sarcastically.

"For you it is. You're Snow White and Prince Charming's offspring after all", Regina challenges.

"Yeah, well, I was raised in a world that made me the very opposite of them", Emma says back, biting the bait. "You of all people should know that nurture is as important as nature", she adds with and arched eyebrow.

The former queen smiles brightly at this. Despite the fact the lately the blonde acknowledges Regina as Henry's mother more often than not, it never cease to warm her insides when the other woman makes such remarks.

"What about the handless wonder?" the brunette asks trying to sound teasing, but she really is curious about it.

Emma thinks for a moment, and sighs. "I don't know. I don't see myself loving Hook, at least not the way that True Love is supposed to be" she shrugs, but the frown on her forehead says that this bothers her more than she wished it to. "This thing with Hook seems too fragile to ever become something as serious as that"

Regina doesn't even notice the smile that creeps on her face at this. It's Emma who points out.

"Okay, don't look so happy. It may look like that you want him…" the blonde hesitates, then finishes "…or me". Regina's eyes widened at this, and Emma immediately adds, "Which is obviously ridiculous either way".

She almost did it. She went for the flirting but Regina's reaction scared the living crap outta her and she backpedaled. Regina mentally kicks herself for this; she's been waiting for this stage in their teasing for so long, why did she react poorly? Now they were left with only the full force blush on their cheeks, averting gazes and awkward smiles. Damn it.

Emma clears her throat and puts them out of their misery. "What about you? Any closer to accomplish the next step?"

Regina hesitates at this. She thinks about coming clean, about sharing things like pixie dust and lion tattoos and fate, but she's afraid of what the blonde will say. Emma is one of the best candidates to have this conversation with because, despite the Charming genes, she's the most realistic and pragmatic person Regina knows. That and the fact the she and Regina went through so much similar situations and they are alike in so many ways, especially the ways of the heart, puts the blonde on the top of the list.

And that's why she's afraid to hear what Emma has to say, because either condemning or supporting the whole _'you have to be with him'_ thing, whatever opinion she gives Regina would feel like a verdict and the brunette is not ready to decide anything yet. But she needs at least some direction.

"Do you believe in fate?" Regina asks looking directly at the other woman to not miss any tells. "Now that you accepted your role as Savior and believe in True Love, that you've seen how things work in the magical lands and how everything is connected somehow. Do you believe that our lives are already written and there's nothing we can do about it but subjugate ourselves to it? Or there still is a skeptical side in you?"

Emma frowns, not understanding what that has to do with anything. She thinks Regina is deflecting her question, which brings a lot more, and she thinks about calling the brunette on it. But there's something in the other woman's eyes that looks a little bit like desperation and she knows that something is troubling Regina and the answer to this question may help her.

"I accepted that I'm the Savior because, let's face it, there's no denying it. And I don't say this with pride because I honestly don't want this job", she sighs. "I believe in True Love because I've seen it, in various different ways. And that's how it works, I only believe in what I've seen". She stops for a moment, trying to find the best way to express herself. "I do believe that things are meant to be; what happens, good or bad, happens for a reason and we have to learn from it. That's way everything is connected, because what happens to us changes us and influences our choices. And I do believe we have choices, that didn't change and never will"

She then nods to Regina. "So to answer your question I guess, I believe in fate, I believe that some things are meant to happen, but I don't believe that we can't do anything about it and we have to 'subjugate ourselves to it'. To me fate it's not just things that are pre-destined, it's our own will too. I believe we make our own fate", she stops and grimaces. "Does that even make sense?"

Regina smiles fondly because Emma had just helped her make up her mind.

"It does", the former queen says, "In a very Emma Swan kind of way, it does"

That earns an eye-roll from the blonde. "You didn't answer my question, though", Emma tries again.

"Hmm?"

"Are you any closer to achieve the next step?" the blonde asks, actually curious about it.

"No", Regina says simply, "I don't think so".

Emma smiles at this, not because she's happy that Regina is lacking a love life too but because she thinks that at least they're alone together. And Regina knows that because she's smiling back.

"Do you think we will die alone?" Emma asks after a few seconds with a frown and what looks like a pout.

"We won't die alone, we have Henry", Regina points out.

"You know what I meant", the other woman says suppressing an eye-roll. "You think we gonna make it? That we will find love again and all that crap?"

"So romantic", Regina snorts at the blonde's coarse language. "I don't know, Miss Swan. I honestly don't know", she sighs, feeling really tired all of the sudden. "I'm very skeptical at this point of my life. But then again, I've lived too much already, and not a very mild life, so this kind of love is probably out of my reach. But you most definitely will"

"What makes you so sure? Is it because I'm Charming?" Emma asks, wiggling her eyebrows comically.

The other woman gives her an unamused look. "It's because you're a good person in general" she concedes. "And that makes you a massive idiot, but an idiot with a good heart that deserves to be loved"

Regina's comment warms Emma's insides and makes her cheeks blush. She feels the need to give her opinion too. "Well, just because you're not a nice person in general it doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be loved too, Regina. You're a sassy bitch, but you're a sassy bitch with a good heart, I'm pretty sure that counts too"

Now it's Regina's turn to have her insides warm and her cheeks reddening, though she's smirking at the '_sassy bitch'_ remark; she loves it.

"I think we're gonna make it", Emma says.

_Together_. It's the word that's hammering in both of their heads to Emma's statement, but they don't even understand why so they just ignore it.

"Yes, well, I hope so", Regina starts. "It would be dangerous leaving you by yourself when Henry goes to college. You'll probably die choking on your morning cereal with no one there to save you. It's just sad"

"Not as sad as you drowning on your bathtub alone 'cause you got drunk and fell asleep on it", Emma teases back immediately.

Regina can't hold her surprise and amusement. "You came back witty from New York"

Emma shrugs. "Well, you did gave me part of your memories, so it's not entirely unexpected"

"Touché", the brunette concedes and they both laugh out loud.

The laughs die and they share a knowing smile. The moment is so light and carefree; they feel wrapped by it, not wanting to let it go. If only they could stay in this moment forever.

They hold each other's gaze and a turmoil of emotions starts to build up in their hearts. The air gets heavy and their throats constrict. Regina's breath becomes more labored and Emma swallows hard. What is happening?

"Emma…" Regina says in a whisper.

"What?" Emma whispers back.

And there's a knock on the door. It's like an ice bucket is dumped on them. They sigh simultaneously and glance one more time at each other. The blonde gives the brunette an apologetic smile before getting up. When she arrives at the door, she shakes her head like she's trying to get her shit back together.

Emma opens the door and Regina can't see who's there at first, but the second she hears that accented voice outside the loft she feels the universe slapping her face. _"Hook, of course"_ she sighs to herself, _"If only I had murdered him when I had the chance"_.

Fate is a shady bitch.

**the end**


End file.
